Sarah is looking for advice even though she never imagined finding herself in this predicament. She contacted our team for guidance because she felt like the bad guy in her own house and was not sure whether what she was doing was appropriate. This is her tale. To maintain a healthy family atmosphere, Sarah has established several rules for her stepdaughter. She is married to Mark, a remarkable man who previously married Emma, her 16-year-old daughter. For the last six months, Emma has been living with them full-time. Although Sarah had hoped for a closer relationship with Emma, things have not worked out the way she had imagined. Emma, a motivated and intelligent adolescent, and Sarah have had disagreements on a number of topics, primarily related to rules in the home.
“From the beginning, I set some rules for our home,” says Sarah. I think that everyone will be able to live together more peacefully if there are clear norms and an organized atmosphere.
Everyone is responsible for some tasks. Emma’s responsibilities encompass tidying her room, taking care of her laundry, and assisting with the dishes and garbage. Curfew: On school nights, beds must be made by 10 PM. She is allowed to remain up until midnight on the weekends, but not later. Screen Time: On school evenings, there should be no more than two hours of recreational screen time and no phones or laptops at the dinner table.
Appropriate Communication: In the house, it is not acceptable to use foul language, yell, or make fun of others. Emma’s mother had never given her any rules to obey when she lived there. She was annoyed by Sarah’s rules right away because she was used to a more laid-back environment at her mother’s place. At first, the problems were small: she would forget her responsibilities or leave dirty dishes in the sink. Emma’s compliance was poor even after Sarah tried to gently address these issues and emphasized how important these guidelines are for everyone’s well-being.
The curfew was the root of the true issues. Emma used to stay up late on school nights, texting or on social media, which had a bad effect on her mood and her grades. Emma objected to Sarah’s attempt to enforce the 10 p.m. bedtime, saying it was unfair because all of her friends stayed up later. The restrictions on screen time also caused tensions. Sarah says, “Emma was on her phone all the time. She brought it to the supper table repeatedly, even after being told to put it away. She burst, yelling, “You are not my mother!” one evening when I politely requested her to put her phone down during dinner. You can not instruct me on what to do!
This outburst was Sarah’s breaking point. She experienced undermining and disdain. Mark was conflicted as she told him about the scenario. Although he disliked seeing Emma angry, he understood the necessity of following the rules. But his propensity to support Emma made it challenging for Sarah to impose the regulations consistently. Sarah made the decision to issue an ultimatum to Emma in light of this continuous dispute. One evening, following yet another argument about curfew and chores, Sarah and Emma sat down. Sarah quietly but firmly stated that there was no negotiating the rules. Emma’s living arrangement would need to be reevaluated if she was unable to follow them. “All right, maybe I should just go back to Mom’s then,” Emma shot back with a scowl.
Sarah did not want things to get to this point, but she could not live in a house where people disobeyed the rules all the time. She recommended that Emma stay with her mother longer until they could all come to an understanding. Emma took immediate action. She moved in with her mother after packing her belongings that evening. Emma insisted that there was no way for her to go back, even when her mother tried to get in touch with her. Emma’s mother expressed dissatisfaction with the circumstances, contending that a new plan was required because Sarah was unable to guarantee Emma’s safety. Between his daughter and his wife, Mark felt torn.
Sarah feels disoriented and unsure right now. She is relieved and guilty at the same time that Mark has accused her of being too harsh because the constant tension was getting to be too much for her. Sarah is now considering if her decision was the right one. She wants a good relationship with Emma, but she also wants order and dignity in their household. Has anyone else encountered something similar? How do you strike a balance between being strict and still getting along well with stepchildren?
